a small little world of mine

lately, i dunno wht hppnd with me n the environment (note: again). aihhhh.
just feel like i'm so out of here.
elsewhere could be much better perhaps?
i'm dying to be in far far away, experiencing sth different.
here has no big differences as wht i had in medan.
people are the same, environments are quite similar, food, okay, noone can win against medan i guess.
i'm just too bored and too fucked up with all of the dramas, the attitudes and so on.
wondering whr's a place for me to suit perfectly without trying so hard to fit in? hahahha.
my life sounds pathetic and miserable i know =______=

just now, i deleted like a hundred of friends from my fb account.
knowing that to have known-people-only will take ages, i deactivated it.
so i made a new account.
n turns up tht i cannot verify the new account! i dunno wht hppnd =______=
n i cant add my friends. they're like banning me for adding too many not-yet-approved friend requests.
i was like @.@
when someone creates a new account, of course they're adding everyone they know n it's not like 2 or 3 people, you moron facebook!
then i just cant help myself to activate my old account =.=
i realize that, actually i like to notice posts, even from unknowns.
status about how they're feeling, it's kind of sharing after all.
so for the 100++ i have "accidentally" deleted, i'm sorry =(
you can call me bad or arrogant or whatsoever,
but i was just so emo this afternoon and thinking to live in my own world,
and i regret it, i'm not that 'kind' of person after all.
yet, i dunno all of the names i've deleted =='
thousands of apologies =[

i'm so looking for the offer my mom gave me last time, doing my final year in curtin. *i'm taking architecture course in limkokwing under curtin*
i think i gotta work my ass off for this one and a half year so i can transfer there.
i heard that not every student is accepted, though there are several seniors who did their final year there.
i remember one of them tell me last year, "if you really can afford it, you should move to perth, it's just so different, the methods, the lecturers, the quality."
i really wish i can transfer there asap.
though if i really think of it clearly, it will be much safer to go there at my final year, whereas i only have two left out modules.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. *galau ga jelas sendiri*
i dunno, feel like screaming this stupid feeling out of me.
why should life be so hard?

btw for you!
i wont care too much!
or even like i want to care?
i'll just stay out of you and stay in a small little world of mine :)
wht's the point to harm myself anyway? LOL.

p.s: i know i just posted sth about dharma the day before and saying the word f*ck now. well, it's just me. i'm complicated like i've written. i can be an angel, but i can be the devil when you're pushing me too far baby :)

new fb :)

halohaaaaaa i'm having my new fb right here!
i've deactivated my old account too many strangerssss lol :D
so please do add me cause i only got limited friend requests to be sent.
this time wont easily accept any strangersss so please do msg me n verify yourselves.
that's all adiosssss~

the beauty of volunteering.

a little share in one sunday afternoon :)
it's taken from a Buddhist book, which is "diantara keraguan dan kesadaran" by Master Hsing Yun.

last time i just read it a little, n i'm re-readinq it now.

n i found this notes in blia yad indonesia's facebook, as i'm still 10 pages behind >.<

in my opinion, dharma really can change a human's life if you apply it :)

so, here it goes! in english. to read in indonesia, please refer to: here.

"In the society, there are a lot of people with compassion to do good deeds, helping troubled people, sick and suffer, this action is one with mine and i'll encourage. In the society, there are a lot of people who are assiduous on their professions, i voluntarily praise them. "Volunteering" is a really good and beautiful action which is supposed to be exemplified.

Do good deeds, speak good words, even I'm not able to do it, but you've done good deeds, spoken good words, I'll voluntarily encourage you.

The Great Buddha said: if we encourage other people or what we've done by ourselves, then the merit is the same, thus volunteering is a crucial action in daily life.

Which is lamentable is, in society nowadays, people who voluntarily do good deeds are too little, in fact, most of the people are happy on others' suffering, there are a lot of people with no voluteering attitude in our society. As for example: you're a wealthy person and helping disable person and elderly people, instead, they'll criticize what you've done is a useless action, if compared with incapable person, but still want to encourage good deeds, instead, they'll say, "your life is difficult too, yet you still want to show off". This matter is caused by a heart that like to criticize and insult, how can there is any good people and good deed in such a society?

In this society, if you do good deeds, you're ruling, you're wealthy, I envy you. On the contrary, if you're poor, you're miserable, you're stupid, you're naive, you're despised.

If you didnt do good deeds, while I'm the one who did it, and you'll criticized my action. I'm compassionate, while you're not, you'll say I'm lack of compassionate. No matter how you act, he still insults, still criticizes, making people to keep on asking, do you wish there's noone in this world to do good deeds? If you're not doing and everyone is not doing too, then we'll only see the destruction of this world.

A nation can develop and community can improve, it's all because of the voluntarily fostering success. You want to be chosen as representative, to be dutiful of public interest, I'll voluntarily choose you. You're running a useful enterprise, helping the debilitated ones,  I'll voluntarily watch the broadcast. You're repairing the bridges and roads, I'll cheerfully be a volunteer, so that we can do noble deeds together. He's helping orphans and poor ones, I'll voluntarily express his goodness. The beauty of "volunteering" world is incomparable.

That's why, hoping from all nowadays generation till the next ones, can blissfully speak good words, do good deeds and voluntarily participate in useful activities, spirited to support fully. If every society succeed to build the courtesy of "volunteering", the nation will be harmonized automatically, so people's lives will be prosperous.


Thus, if we're doing things voluntarily and purely, we'll gain the beauty in our daily life physically or spiritually."

some people hv a perception that not going to temple or not praying is no big deal as long they didnt do bad deeds in their life.

yet, their meaning of 'bad deeds' is something that is really really bad and they dont realize sometimes word and small actions are also bad deeds.

moreover, if you're not doing good deeds, then your life wont improve as well.

remember, what you reap is what you harvest.

if you dont do any good deeds, then how can you harvest something good?

and fyi, going to temple and praying are good deeds itself :)

so, let's start to do good deeds from the very small ones,

be mindfulness of your thoughts,

be mindfulness of your words,

be mindfulness of your actions.

"行三好，

three acts of goodness,

说好话就是真，

ones speech is true when one says good words. 

做好事就是善，

ones deed is good when one does good deeds.

存好心就是美，

ones mind is beautiful when one thinks of good thoughts.

所以三好就是真善美。

hence, the three acts of goodness is indeed good, true and beautiful." -- Venerable Master Hsing Yun.

heart and human.

found this story when i was browsing :)

"One day a young man was standing in the middle of the town proclaiming that he had the most beautiful heart in the whole valley. A large crowd gathered and they all admired his heart for it was perfect. There was not a mark or a flaw in it. Yes, they all agreed it truly was the most beautiful heart they had ever seen. The young man was very proud and boasted more loudly about his beautiful heart.

Suddenly, an old man appeared at the front of the crowd and said, "Why your heart is not nearly as beautiful as mine?"

The crowd and the young man looked at the old man's heart. It was beating strongly, but full of scars, it had places where pieces had been removed and other pieces put in, but they didn't fit quite right and there were several jagged edges. In fact, in some places there were deep gouges where whole pieces were missing.

The people stared -- how can he say his heart is more beautiful, they thought?

The young man looked at the old man's heart and saw its state and laughed.

"You must be joking," he said.

"Compare your heart with mine, mine is perfect and yours is a mess of scars and tears."

"Yes," said the old man, "Yours is perfect looking but I would never trade with you. You see, every scar represents a person to whom I have given my love - I tear out a piece of my heart and give it to them, and often they give me a piece of their heart which fits into the empty place in my heart, but because the pieces aren't exact, I have some rough edges, which I cherish, because they remind me of the love we shared. Sometimes I have given pieces of my heart away, and the other person hasn't returned a piece of his heart to me. These are the empty gouges -- giving love is taking a chance. Although these gouges are painful, they stay open, reminding me of the love I have for these people too, and I hope someday they may return and fill the space I have waiting. So now do you see what true beauty is?"

The young man stood silently with tears running down his cheeks. He walked up to the old man, reached into his perfect young and beautiful heart, and ripped a piece out. He offered it to the old man with trembling hands.

The old man took his offering, placed it in his heart and then took a piece from his old scarred heart and placed it in the wound in the young man's heart. It fit, but not perfectly, as there were some jagged edges. The young man looked at his heart, not perfect anymore but more beautiful than ever, since love from the old man's heart flowed into his. They embraced and walked away side by side."

the heart in the story, just like a human.

someone that you think is perfect, probably has a harsher and emptier life than yours.

someone that you think is stupid, probably has a better and more beautiful life than yours.
so, wht's the point of bragging on yourself or comparing your life with others?
moreover, life is more beautiful with other people around you! :)

p.s: i changed the fonts. just want it to be simple :)