move forward. nv look back. c:

olaa, how's everyone doinq?
i know my blog is so dead hahahah
but you know, i hardly blog in my hometown
super damn slow internet connection always succeeds to stay me out of computer LOL

so, i'm now single

hahaha i know what you're thinking, but it's true
yeps, i did think of possibilities that we cld get back tgthr
i even told one of my best best friends, that if we're really destined tgthr, 2 years later wont be late to be tgthr
as i really think to focus deeply in my education at the moment n both of us cldnt really work the relationship out
n my best friend told him .___.

i was like, ohmygod, the word i said, is possibility, how if i fall for anthr guy n he really does wait for me?
though, before you guys think i'm such a cold-hearted one to break up with someone who loved me very much, let me tell you tht, he felt relieved of the break up
i was hurt, truly, but then i know i made a right choice to break up then
n obviously i know i shld really move on, and not trapped between the past n the future
so voilaa
thanks for these two years, and sorry if i've been such a mess to your life :)

oh yeah, we're still friends though

life here is not getting any better
i think i'm invisible for my housemates and some friends as they've never asked me whether i wld join them out or not
well, it's really not a new issue actually, it's been more than a year, there were ups and downs
i dunno wht prblms they have with me n i've never experienced sth like this since junior high

honestly, i was hurt and sad tht i've even thought of runninq away from here

but thanks to my friends' supports tht i can get through it till now
the intention of i'm writinq about this is not to offense anyone, sorry if u feel so
it's just i'm really tryinq to deal with it instead of avoidinq it

i know i'm just a person with too many bad habits, so i wont force anyone to accept me :)

not to sound pathetic, but now i am really on my own now

problems exist so tht i can be stronger and stronger

i'll deal with it, i'll be okay with it

i got friends, just not kind of best friends which i got in hometown
so basically, i'll treat people as how they treat me

i might be cryinq few days, weeks, months after this

i might feel tired

though i know there are still many people who are supportinq me
n i know, if i ever make through it, in the end i'll be a better and stronger person than i've been :)

"not all ppl can understand the way i am. some ppl hate me, while others love me. but i love the way i dont pretend to be someone i'm not, just to impress anyone." -quoted.

"bad thinqs are always goinq to happen in life, people will hurt you, but you cant use that as an excuse to hurt someone back." -quoted.

p.s.: if you read my blog just to gossip about anythinq, just be it, i'm happy and proud i've given you somethinq to talk about with your friends :)

my french crush ♥

bonjour!

hugo becker ♥

the life i'll live.

it's 27th of october. time flies. fiuhh.
i'm facinq the final of this semester.
but, i'm so addicted to gossip girl at the moment!
addiction sure will lead me to graveyard, but i cant help it :'(
though, still have to stop immediately no matter what.

so, had this conversation when we had our lunch just now.
what to do after graduation?
bubu's classmates are graduatinq this december.
my classmates are graduatinq next year.
my housemates and friends are graduatinq july 2013.
n i have to wait till december 2013 for my own graduation,
due to the 2 subjects i failed last year.

talkinq about sad, of course i am.
as i'm the last one who will be here.
sayinq to my mom i want to transfer in my last year.
my mom said, see how it'll go later.
though i dont know whether curtin will accept me or not, as i've ever failed.
but then my sister said,
it's not that they dont want to send me there.
but my own self should be very obvious how my body condition is =(

so, back to the topic.
what to do after all of us graduate?
bubu is goinq to apply job in sG.
kevin is aiminq to hollywood.
cees still doesnt know what she'll do.
as for me, was thinkinq to work for a year, n continue master.
but, i myself know i'm still so interested in literature and journalism stuff,
which goes around writing and languages.

i may think i'm goinq to take the course again right now,
but who knows what will happen in 2 years time?
what i know is, i need to finish this first.
it's not that i dont like this course.
i choose it by myself.
but i still find out what i'm goinq to do for the rest of my life.
am not gonna marry someone and stay at home for sure.

some people might think i'm insane or whatsoever,
as people are finishinq their studies and goinq to earn money in no time,
yet i'm still figurinq out which way to take.
i just want to be right, to be satisfied of my life.
after all, life is more than money.
well, just hope for the best, shant we?

may buddha bless me,
enlighten me in every path i take,
and enlighten every livinq creatures =)
sabbe satta bhavantu sukhitatta.

2008

2009

2010

2011

architecture surely accelerates aging! T________T
my eyebags! :'(
the 2011 photo was taken in april, now it's worse.
and i dont take photo as much as i used to, due to the dummy face :'(
hope the sacrifices are all worth it!
n i'll have full recovery in my holiday!

let's tie the rope and play hanqman.

hi bloggie.
was thinkinq to reduce writinq anythinq negative again.
yet, it is all the negatives occurred around me.
so i guess, it's anthr complaininq post? hahahha.

i dont knw wht hv gotten into me.
it's just i feel what i felt last year.
remember? the quit thingy and blablabla.
actually, my family was okay back thr with me, who wanted to change course.
ehmm, kinda change to 'want' now.
yet, i missed my family generous offer last year.
n i'm not gonna ask for it this year.
how could i?
after another year, another cash spent.
i cant do it to them, it just so so unfair.
n yeah, i hv a life n a bad behavior to settle.
i cant just run away everytime i wish to, can i?

so, this headache, hv been torturinq me for the whole week.
i lose my appetite, feelinq nauseous everytime.
accordinq to my other friend, prbbly i'm just too stress.
n tht's wht keep my headache around.
well, it sounds make sense to me.
but i dont know how to deal with it.
think it's kind of traumatic sequence.

most of all, i didnt submit my a tech, which was supposed to be last monday.
*p.s. i dreamt of him sayinq it's ok for me to submit on this cominq monday, which is really just a dream =)
i skipped most of my classes this week, well, only entered one which held exam.
i only hv my design tutorial once.
hooray to me!
keep on wonderinq how i will end this sem, hope i'll survive.

i've been turninq my life to a mess.
n am tryinq to settle now.
it's just, i'm afraid if i am late.
well well, let's tighten up my jaw n do the effinq assignments.
or.
let's tie the rope and play hanqman, shan't we?

what do you want from me?

feel like wanna scream alrd.
started from sorethroat --> headache --> migrain --> nausea --> feel like vomittinq --> powerless --> runninq nose.
erica said i might get dengue fever as the illness comes and goes.
please please pleaseeeeeee, it's really not a good time for it =(
i only want to finish my assignments.
THEY ARE TONS.
sick = cannot do = assignments are piling up ='(
promise a lecturer will submit on tuesday, as i told him wont finish on monday.
yet, today got no consciousness to do it.
wronq measurement = redo, redo and redo.
i dont knw how many boards i hv produced, but with wronq measurement.
moreover my design assignments ='(
though lecturers are very generous to give me extension due to my hands last time, still i need to finish it quickly!
i think the lecturers might want to kill me rightaway.
culture exam on wednesday.
OHMYGOD!
body, what do you want from me? =(

home.

when i am in my lowest,
i wish i were at home.
cause i cant do anythinq right now.
i need to go home.

决定

我很恨我自己，
做不到那个决定。
明明知道不适合，
却拉得也来也长。

每一次决定了，
每一次又是心软，
每一次自己折磨自己。