under maintenance.

heyy! this blog is under maintenance.
i'm sorry! i'll be back asapp =D

unsecured n discomfort.

wew. i dunno why i'm feeling like this.
so unsecured. so disturbing.
like, walking on a glass. falling any minute.
whr is the guy i met 2 mnths ago? hhaha.
or, is it usual tht things turn to be like this?
tell me wht shld i do.
tell me how shld i act.
cause i feel a big discomfort )':

i'm back (:

hahha. i'm back. yeah, i am, for sure.
i hvn't updated my blog for, err, 2 mnths?
sry. but i'll try to update it nearly evrydy frm now on. hohoo.



ehmm. whr shld i start?
ok, wht happened in the past, just let it be in the past.
i'm gonna start from ths old n new.
ths time, again, for the thrd time, i joined yad's event.
ths year's event is called 2009 old n new festival.
nth's same like the past years, no groups, no yells, no hndrds of teenagers.
ths time, yad held festival which got food stands, game stands, prfrmnces, writing sutra n so on.
i joined prfrmnces like new year's dances, dayak dance, n sign lnguage n also took care of porridge stand.
well. at first, i hv to admit. i lost my interest. i didn't join sunday class, even i was in mdn.
i dunno. things jst aren't the same anymore. i couldn't feel it.
i'm kinda regret n felt sorry tht i've registered to be volunteer at the very first.
but when i was in s3s. evrythng chnged.
i found it. tht feeling. tht.
mayb if some committees read ths, they'll thnk i'm just the same wth the other mmbers, who only wnt to make frnds instead of to learn dharma.
well, i dunno which was my goal from the very first when i joined yad, but i jst wnt that feeling.
that undescribeable feeling. n i thnk, both, making frnds n learning dharma are the same imprtnt for me. i mean it.
i'm hppy to be thr, making new frnds n also learning so many new thngs.
not just dharma, but dancing n other other thingies.

really thnkx to yad for this point :)

ths old n new, i didn't cry.

i'm hppy, really. but i didn't cry.
is tht mean i'm stronger now or wht? hahhaha. i dunno.
around 12++, after the firewrks, i called him, to greet him hppy nw yr (:
at first, i was still doubt. is it true tht i really like him? or it's just a moment feeling?
like, i was still looking at tht one thr. n let me tell u, i said hppy nw yr to him. after considering n fighting with my mind for a long time. i took out my hand n said, 'hppy nw yr'.
sth i cldn't say last yr, tht i texted him even i was thr. hahha. imagine how stup i was.
n, he hugged me. kinda surprising huh? but i guess it's only a fam hug, right?

ths old n new, i learned n understood many thngs.

well, wht i learned will be mine forever. i dnt thnk i'll share here. hahha.
if u really wnt to knw, why dnt u try to join yad's event once? *advertising* hahha =p
wht i understood is, abt him n him n me (:
ppl said, he's just alwys like tht. yeah, he is.
joking around, flirting around. make girls feel like, woaah.


well, thn let me tell u. whthr u'll read or not. 
hey, i dunno wht i felt is real or not, wht inq said is real or not, wht u expressed is real or not.
but, if it's real, i knw tht, ths thng is not gonna work on us.
i've waited, put faith, but i need cares. i really do. i knw smtimes u give me those, with an odd way but cute.
but, now i've fallen for anthr prsn. so, mayb it jst ended like ths. mayb it's ended since i decided to go there.
if fate really wants to see us tgthr, mayb we can get along, in the future. who knws?

jst, thnk u (:

n anthr u.  
u make me confused. even now.
i dunno. i try to figure out, i knw u said u love me, but thr's still fear in me.
not bcause i'm still doubt abt u n him. no, i knw it's u.
n like i told u. it's not abt status, but wht u commit.
but smtimes, i jst can't stop ths feeling. weird, but it's thr.
the q u asked me tht 9. how if fate dsn't receive us?
i'll ans. i believe in fate, but i also do believe in myself. i believe, i can chnge my fate, my destiny.
even if ur mom still disagree we go along, but if u're thr, thn i'll be here also :)
but if we really lose tht feeling or u lose it, thn i'll let go. sincerely.


ahh. i've written so much today. hhaha.
thn, c u tomorrow.


X.O.X.O, 
the lost kitten.